You get what you deserve means that you create what is happening to you in your relationships, and in most circumstances in your life.

Said that way, it may cause a bit of discomfort, or it may cause some upset. But, it is true and it is a great place from which to really take charge of your life.  Understanding that you get what you deserve, that you are creating your life through your relationships, puts you smack at a major fork in your life’s path; you can keep on wondering why things happen to you, or why you ended up in the same place…yet again. Or, you can think the saying over and try to apply it to your life, and see if it helps illuminate your path.

Most of us can see that others create what occurs to them in their relationships.  So, we may say to a friend who is creating a problem in their relationships, “Don’t try so hard”, or “Don’t be so touchy”, or “Why do you always need to be right?”

But, when something we don’t want to happen or weren’t planning on happens to us, it seems to us as if the other person caused the problem.  After all, most of the time we are doing what comes naturally to us and we are surprised when others respond in ways we didn’t predict.

For most of us, what comes naturally is based on our attachment strategy…the set of patterns of behavior we use to manage relationships and emotional vulnerability and which too often create faceplants.

As Fred always told me, when I was blaming others for what was going wrong in my life, “Gordon. Don’t confuse yourself with the facts”.